Learning to Soar

Isaiah 40: 28 - 31
28 Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths
of his understanding.
29 He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
30 Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

A few points stated by Elmer Towns in his book: Beginners Guide to Fasting. The question he asked: How do we begin to fly? Slowly. "An eagle doesn't take off like a rocket. Even when you first fly with God's wings, it'll be slow going at first. Wounded people walk slowly."
None of us start off fast when we face our struggles, it is never really easy at first but we must learn how to continue the journey. E. Towns stated that we must notice how much energy it takes for a eagle to take off into flight. The eagle uses all it's strength to get into the air. As the wings of the eagle flap there is a sound of flapping wings, fierce action, then is off flying. With each flap of the eagles wings he is lifted higher into the sky getting closer to the heavens, once high in the air the eagle wing span allows him to glide and as to float in the air with ease, no personal effort but to rely on the air to hold him. Just like learning to trust in God may be extremely hard at first taking a huge personal effort to get moving away from our struggles. Towns stated we need two wings just like the eagle to fly, first need vision to see as though we are looking trough God's eyes rather than our own. Second wing he called courage. We must make a choice to act on what we believe God is asking of us. It was difficult to get started on my fast, I thought of it for several months before taking off just as an eagle must use every ounce of energy to get into flight. Just as the eagle is able to enjoy gliding once high in the sky I trust that the longer I fast and the deeper I experience God that I too will be able to glide over my struggles with more ease knowing that my God is holding me. All to often I have tried to jump over my difficulties to get past them but it just has not worked, I always end up on my own two feet again as I land. The only way to arise above my struggles is to learn to mount up with wings as an eagle in order to soar over them.

quote: p 84 of Towns book,

"Think again of the eagle. How can its wings break the power of gravity? As the eagle's wings reach to heaven, the sky is pulled into its breast, then the eagle automaticlly is lifted into the heaven it seeks. When you reach up to heaven it automatically puls dreams into your heart. When you reach up to God you are pulling him into your experience. Your wings lift you up from the ground, and each reach of the wing takes you higher. Wings lift you up over your problems, as you pull God down into your circumstances.
As your wings continually reach for heaven, you fly higher. The ground and gravity lose their hold over you. The higher you fly, the less hold the things of this world have upon you. Your wings give you freedom."




I decided to fast cause I desire more of God in my life or to be more in touch with Him as I go through my day. Life is a journey which often has it's struggles and I can attest to that for sure. The days on the weekend were more of a challenge for me than during the week fasting. I found that when i began to feel bored that my thoughts went to what it would be like to have some great food and I realized just much time I take up doing things that are not of much significance. I procrastinate so much cause I lack confidence in certain things so I put them off telling myself I do not know where to start or what to do and whatever I do will not be good enough. I realize just how much I rely on my own abilities and strengths rather than on seeking out God. I do acknowledge God is there and that i must trust in him but I believe I do it often in my own strength by just trying harder. Saturday morning I attended our men's breakfast at church and was encouraged by the number of men that came out, it was good to see other men desiring to connect. I make conversation but yet feel like I am not really connecting, conversation seems to remain on the surface and the problem for me I often wonder that I am wanting too much. Then just as I am typing this out it came to mind that this is what I feel like when I am seeking God, not sure what it is about me that is always looking for that intensity or mountain top experience. Once the speaker had finished sharing at the men's breakfast I left almost immediately feeling a somewhat empty but yet knowing that there was no one that could fill me. As I have been reflecting on this I realize that that I struggle so much in making conversation with other men that i am not sure what they think of me or even if they are interested in knowing me and as I write my eyes are tearing up feeling that there are parts of my life that are just so sad. I look forward to going to church as it is a place that I do experience the presence of God. Our pastor has been speaking on Jonah and this sunday was the conclusion of the series. LIstening to the teaching on Jonah made me realize that I am a lot like Jonah, often turning and going it the opposite direction that I sense God directing me. I have realized that my fear all to often affects my choices. God has revealed himself to me so many times and has come through for me just as he promised but yet I allow my fear to control me rather than the trusting in God to walk with me into the situation that I fear. As I continue my fast I continue to realize just how much I do things for my own pleasure and stay busy doing something avoiding taking time to be with God. Yet I am encouraged and hopeful that as I spend time reading, meditating and praying I will continue to hear the voice of God a little more clearly. Oh how I want to learn how to fly like an eagle so that I can arise above my circumstances that I have allowed to hold me down.

Encouraged in His presence

Journal entry Feb. 28th -

Well I am approaching the completion of my third day of my fast. The first day I was thinking of food a lot, everything I looked at that could be eaten caught my eye. My thoughts really were distracting but I decided that I would pray any time I felt hunger. I was amazed that as I prayed for God to be my strength, for God to be my food my thoughts of and desire for food diminished. I made it through my 1^st day and went to bed early having the best sleep since coming home from India. I slept in some on Tuesday so that I would not be tired making it easier to make it through the day. Again amazed and encouraged that drinking only water, a cup of coffee and some hooch that I made it, feeling some excitement that it has been easier than I thought it would be. Now I am thankful for another day of experiencing God in a way that seems new and fresh.

When I search for God and do not find Him I feel like I am unworthy that no one will ever really love me or want to be with me. That the only way I will be able to feel love is to go out and find it myself. It is a terrible struggle within – thoughts running through my mind such as: “If I wait for someone else to call or seek me out that it will never happen” “No one will ever be good enough because they really don’t understand what I really need” Then I feel dirty and like a old perverted man – I am just this sex addict that will never be happy only frustrated. “I will never be normal whatever that means.”

Prior to starting this fast I would search for God by crying out to him for release. I would read some scripture looking for a quick answer. I often talk to others hoping to experience some acceptance and approval then walk away feeling appreciated but yet it really was only surface nothing really that deep. I often would try to sit quiet and still waiting for God to show up – hoping He would reveal himself to me. My mind telling myself I am not alone but yet I sure would feel alone.

It is now March 2^nd and I am approaching the completion of day 5 of my fast. I continue to be amazed by my experience over these past five days. I have continued to drink only water, juice and some of our homemade hooch (combination of ginger, lemons, cinnamon etc.) as well as the odd coffee. As I have prayed when I have felt hunger pains God has meet me and been my strength. Yesterday I had a very busy day and the time just flew by and I realized I had not prayed as much as the previous and I felt sorry in my heart and really missed my connection with God. I have a men’s breakfast at Soul Sanctuary on Saturday morning and I am really looking forward to that time of fellowship. Staying focused has always been a challenge for me, it is so easy for me to get distracted and time passes by so quickly and I wonder where the time has gone. One of my goals is connect with God and hopefully that will help me to remain focused on what is important or what I am doing at the moment. Even now as I write I am feel the urge to get up and do something else and stop journaling. This really drives me crazy when I feel anxious or just restless, Oh God please meet me and calm my spirit, I want to be content and at peace in your presence, oh how I need God in every moment of my day cause without Him I can be all over the map so to speak. I will finish off for now and write more lately. Thank you Jesus for being so real and present to me at time when I don’t feel you, I know you are here with me.

To the Glory of God

February 26, 2007 - I started a fast today and want to go 40 days. This will take me to April 6th which is Good Friday. I have veen reading a book by Elmer Towns titled The Beginner's Guide to Fasting" which has addressed some of my personal concerns and fears regarding entering into a time of fasting. My desire is to follow the suggestions given in the book as a guidline in helping one fast. Included in the book is a Fasting Purpose Sheet that one can fill out so I have decided to include that here:

Fasting Purpose Sheet

My Cause or reason for fasting:

- my desire is to deepen my relationship with God

- Secondly to make a prayer list that I can pray through on a daily/weekly/monthly basis


Who I will ask to fast with me (if anyone):

- i have wanted to do a fast for a along time and last week a friend sent out and email stating he was going start a fast and wondered who would like to join the fast so I decided now was the time. This is what I needed to get me from just thinking about it to actually making a decision

I will Fast:

Begin: February 25th Time: 12 midnight

Ending: April 6th Time: 12 midnight

I believe that God is the only answer to my request and that prayer with out fasting is not enough to get an anser to my need. Therefore by faith I am fasting because I need God to work in this matter.
God being my strength and grace being my basis, I commit myself to the above fast.

February 25, 2007 signed/Dated

Some of my fears about fasting are that I am trying to be spiritual and difficulty believing that it will make any difference. Also afraid that my hunger and physical weakness will be a hindrance.
I I believe (Hope) that this will help me e more diciplined in my prayre life, that I will learn how to depend on God more than on myself.

page 38 - The Beginner's Guide to Fasting by Elmer Towns

"The Normal Fast. IN this fast you eliminate all solid foods, drinking only liquids. IN the Bible, fasting most often reers to people not eating solid food; the issue of drinking liquids is usually omitted. This is the way Luke described the forty-day fast of Jesus: "In those days He (Jesus) ate nothing, and afterward, when they had ended, He was hungry"(Lk 4:2). Notice nothing is said about Jesus drinking liquids. ...
p.39 Remember, you fat to please God and not to please others or yourself. Ask God to lead you in what to drink, and fat wtih a good conscience toward God. Make sure you are comfortable with your fast in the presence of God, and eliminate anything that convicts your conscience: "But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from fatih" (Rom 13:23). Drink only the liquid that glorifeis God: "Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God"(1 Co 10:31).

Adjusting and afraid!!

Well it has been a very long time since i have posted anything i have thought about it tons but just did not sit down and write. Last summer i started a journal and i have found that writing my thoughts down as well as what has been happening for me has been great. It has been a very busy year for me and many adjustments in my personal life as well as ministry. As i have continued to journey on the road that is less traveled there have been times when thoughts have crossed my minded to just pack it all in and go with what i am feeling but yet i know that is not the answer. Walking each day for me many years back were ruled by how I was feeling at any given moment but God has shown me over and over again that walking the road with Jesus is much more fulfilling. I have senced God really stretching me over this past year and at the same time my stuggle has been in my face in a way that has made life a challenge from one day to the next. Many of my friends and co-workers have heard me say that my past has been in my face this past year like no other time. I really felt God's pursueing me and calling me out to go deeper in my relationship with him. I have freind that has down some fasting and introduced me to a web site " Straving Jesus'. He gave me a book to read and i finished in a few weeks back and have wanted to do a fast since i finished the book. I was in India when i finished the book so thought it best that i wait till i returned to home to start so i have decided that i will start my fast on Monday (i will drink water and juice). I am excited and scared all at the same time but yet i believe that this is what i need to do in order to go deeper in my relationship with Jesus. I have really felt God's tender voice calling me for some time now, thanks to friends in Kansas City, MO that ministry at IHOP - the International House of Prayer that have encouraged me regarding the benifits of fasting. So i will just have to wait and see what i will hear God say during this time, not sure how long i will fast but would love to be able to complete 40 days so if anyone reads this really appreciate your prayers. My wife and I visited India for four weeks from January 20th to February 16th that was a furlfillment of a dream for the past 21 years. We lived in India from 1983 to 1985 and our first daughter was born there so we have always wanted to return for a visit. We saw many old friends and saw our church, house and city were we lived. It really was an amazing time for Nancy and myself, we experienced God's leading and providing for us in amazing ways which I will write more about another time. Have been back home now for one week so am still adjusting to life back in Canada which has been somewhat challenging as part of my heart is still in India but yet i love it here as well. My first day back at work was very strange having been gone for four weeks, my staff have told me that i am not to go away again, i guess they missed me which is nice. So much of my life has been one that i often have thought no one would really notice i was gone or really miss me so knowing there are those that appreciate you and like having you around is nice. Sometimes my neediness feels so great and overwhelming that i just feel like i am going crazy and then i hear the voice of God assuring me that i am loved and that He is here for me. Yet there is a part of me that is crying for more so i am hoping that i will connect with Jesus at a deep level during my fast which hopefully will help with my adjustments and fears. I plan to post some pictures form our trip to India so come back and take a look later.

Continuing the Journey

Since my first post I have had many thoughts run through my mind
that I have realized would be great to write about but then when
I sit to write so much of my past fears coming rushing in.

Through out my life I have had to deal with numerous fears as my
life was so greatly influenced by what I thought others were thinking. 
When I look back at my journey in life on this road that so often
seems as one that is a road that is not traveled by many, 
I have gotten overwhelmed with life itself. Through it all I have
learned many things and then been reminded of it again later, I
so quickly forget what God  has done for me but one of the greatest
things is that God does not  forget and He loves to remind me
of his blessings.

I mentioned in my first post that my relationship with God is the
most dynamic relationship I have ever had.  I continue to to be
reminded of the fact that anything apart of God only leads to
death and not life.  I embarked  on a journey approach. 27 years
back to what I believed was moving  towards wholeness but I did
not know then as much as I understand now. My love for my life
giver was immense but yet as I look back at my life's journey
there was so much that I did not fully understand about the
journey.

In the beginning I believed that if I lived the way I  believed
I was to live as a follower and friend of my life giver that
all would work out in the end.   This I see is happening but
the time frame or length of the journey to reach where I am
today has taken a lot longer than anticipated.  Even though the
road I have traveled has not been the easiest I would not want
to trade it for anything.

I have started to read another book by Donald Miller titled
 "To Own a Dragon" -  (reflections on growing up with out a father). 
I previously read Blue Like Jazz, Searching for God Knows What and
Through Painted Desert all  by Donald Miller.  I my opinion  they
are all must reads.  I am not one that has done a lot of reading
and even my  children have been surprised by the amount of reading
I have done in  the last year.  There is something about Donald Millers
style of writing that I connect with. He is so candid with his thoughts
which is  something that I have experienced in my own life that the
more open and honest I have been on this journey called life the more
alive I have felt.  I embrace learning how to face my fears and
uncover how to TRUST those around me.  Just last week a group called
SALT started, which I am a part of.

S - Sex
A - Addicts
L - Learning
T - Trust

The first evening all the group members took time to share part of
their journey that brought them to the group.  Tonight we covered
the first lesson   that reminded me of just how much this journey
is all about God.  I was challenged  to look at how I have turned
so many times from finding my life in Him  and sought my own ways
of finding life which have only lead to more loneliness, hurt and
disappointments.  I will have more to say about this in my next post.

Starting Something New

Just created my blog and stepping out into something new as I attempt to write out some of my thoughts in order to help myself in formalizing what I sence God trying to tell me about myself and how I relate to Him on a daily basis. God has not always been a part of my life but looking back I am reminded of His pursuit of me as a young boy because He wanted to be a part of my every day life. Spoke with a friend on the telephone today as we both shared with each other how we sense God doing a stirring in our own lives and in our surroundings. I find it exciting and yet at the same time somewhat unsettling cause I do not know what God has in store for me. One thing I do know now after many years of being in the most dynamic relationship I will ever have with the very one that breathed life into me and calls me His own.