Adjusting and afraid!!

Well it has been a very long time since i have posted anything i have thought about it tons but just did not sit down and write. Last summer i started a journal and i have found that writing my thoughts down as well as what has been happening for me has been great. It has been a very busy year for me and many adjustments in my personal life as well as ministry. As i have continued to journey on the road that is less traveled there have been times when thoughts have crossed my minded to just pack it all in and go with what i am feeling but yet i know that is not the answer. Walking each day for me many years back were ruled by how I was feeling at any given moment but God has shown me over and over again that walking the road with Jesus is much more fulfilling. I have senced God really stretching me over this past year and at the same time my stuggle has been in my face in a way that has made life a challenge from one day to the next. Many of my friends and co-workers have heard me say that my past has been in my face this past year like no other time. I really felt God's pursueing me and calling me out to go deeper in my relationship with him. I have freind that has down some fasting and introduced me to a web site " Straving Jesus'. He gave me a book to read and i finished in a few weeks back and have wanted to do a fast since i finished the book. I was in India when i finished the book so thought it best that i wait till i returned to home to start so i have decided that i will start my fast on Monday (i will drink water and juice). I am excited and scared all at the same time but yet i believe that this is what i need to do in order to go deeper in my relationship with Jesus. I have really felt God's tender voice calling me for some time now, thanks to friends in Kansas City, MO that ministry at IHOP - the International House of Prayer that have encouraged me regarding the benifits of fasting. So i will just have to wait and see what i will hear God say during this time, not sure how long i will fast but would love to be able to complete 40 days so if anyone reads this really appreciate your prayers. My wife and I visited India for four weeks from January 20th to February 16th that was a furlfillment of a dream for the past 21 years. We lived in India from 1983 to 1985 and our first daughter was born there so we have always wanted to return for a visit. We saw many old friends and saw our church, house and city were we lived. It really was an amazing time for Nancy and myself, we experienced God's leading and providing for us in amazing ways which I will write more about another time. Have been back home now for one week so am still adjusting to life back in Canada which has been somewhat challenging as part of my heart is still in India but yet i love it here as well. My first day back at work was very strange having been gone for four weeks, my staff have told me that i am not to go away again, i guess they missed me which is nice. So much of my life has been one that i often have thought no one would really notice i was gone or really miss me so knowing there are those that appreciate you and like having you around is nice. Sometimes my neediness feels so great and overwhelming that i just feel like i am going crazy and then i hear the voice of God assuring me that i am loved and that He is here for me. Yet there is a part of me that is crying for more so i am hoping that i will connect with Jesus at a deep level during my fast which hopefully will help with my adjustments and fears. I plan to post some pictures form our trip to India so come back and take a look later.